I don't even know...
2003-05-26 - 8:52 p.m.
Uh yeah... so, movies like "Panic Room" completely make me mad/depressed. Not because of the plot, but because I've never and will never have a relationship with my mom like that. Sure, they're in the midst of turmoil and they're supposed to be all comforting/touchy feely, but you can tell they're like that in normal life too - like at the end when Jodie Foster is just petting her "daughter's" head. Sometimes, I just hate that my mom and I aren't close. I remember, right after I was raped, we went on a trip to Gatlinburg and I was in my bed writing (really writing.. not typing) in my journal about it all and all I wanted was for her to crawl in bed with me and hold me while I fell asleep. NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN... ever.
I hope other people are luckier than I... not that we have a crap relationship. It's just not ever what I wanted it to be. It makes me want to desperately have children... so I can love them so much that it hurts and it's completely ridiculous. And I can't even wait for the crappy period when they're 13 and they know everything... we're going to hug every day whether they like it or not.
I just want to be able to cry with my kids.
