Throwing Up
2001-12-11 - 7:52 p.m.
So, we're trying to eat better. This, after Booie tells me, "Well, it's not like you're really TRYING to lose weight." as I contemplate how it is that I've gained 40 pounds since last year at this time. I swear I have no idea how to eat properly. I don't even know where to start. And, I hoard food like a freak - I mean, look at our pantry and freezer - packed full of shit I don't even know what to do with. And, with it all there, I freak out and think I have to eat it all before it disappears. How will it disappear, you ask? I have no idea... but, perhaps the fact that it always did when I was a kid could have something to do with it. Food issues suck. And, I don't have many... other than the fact that I don't really know how to deal with food. I hate it. It seems so surreal to me. I wish there were directions.
I'm excited to move. It will finally be our place and there will be parts of it I can call my own and places where I can disappear and mend anything in me that might be broken or close to breaking. And, I can be with Booie at the same time. What more could I ask for? Perhaps it is then that I will finally fully heal.
Bye.
