soon, i'm gonna be dead. life is going way too fast....
2005-12-23 - 11:44 a.m.
Looking back on old entries. A year ago today, our roads were impassable and the threat of arrest was made to those who drove their cars except in emergencies. MUCH better this year - should be 45 today and i'm thinkin' of heading to the woods again. Went yesterday with my friend. Wanted to go again today, but may not go with her d/t a weird mood she is in. Whatever. i just hate that, when my friends get in weird moods, i do the same. why can i just live unaffected!?
Anyway, last year around this time, i recapped the year. Going to do the same now.
January: Oh God. That damn brain in anatomy. and all of those nerve tracts. still don't get them all, but got through it well enough to pass. applied to Christ hospital's nursing program at the last minute just to see if i could get it. no go. imagine that...
February: more brains, some hearts and fear of failing microbiology. lots of contemplation of my drinking addiction. lots of just trying to be normal and/or figure out how to obtain normalcy (still trying).
March: turned 30. spent my birthday sober. weird. went to first few AA meetings. weird. sometimes went without a dollar. felt like a jerk. loved anatomy d/t inundation of body systems stuff. amazing.
April: fell in love with the nephron. went to more AA meetings. tried to stop drinking. couldn't. stopped going to AA meetings. watched spring arrive.
May: tried to stop drinking again. did. finished up anatomy. had nervous breakdown at beginning of may - skipped first class all year. instructor even noticed. just. couldn't. do. it.
June: started hanging around my friend, a, and her husband lots more. went to chicago with a at end of june. started walking and eating healthier.
July: fishing lots. fer real. in a boat. fun. night fishing too. stars are amazing, aren't they? still walking and eating and happy to be done with school with nothing to do.
August: more fishing. more walking and eating. oh yeah, and moving and starting school that i didn't even know was a possibility of starting until august 4th or something. CRAZY EFFING MONTH. very life changing. new house. new life.
September: big eff up with friend, a. big. getting used to school. trying not to be overwhelmed. worked somedays. other days, i completely failed.
October: love school. finally dug down and got used to it. quit job. figured living on $1000/month is doable. studied, studied, studied.
November: still love school. that is my full time job now. still more fun time with friend, a. lots more walking and even some talking about how we're screwed up. learned to really just tell her what i feel about things. not to beat around the bush. don't eff around, etc. prolly started drinking again. too hard not to. it was more time consuming thinking about not drinking and it took more energy than to just have a drink or two about once/week.
December: passed school/classes. onto next semester. lovely. amazing. cannot believe it.
all in all, a very life-changing year. never ever would've thought i'd be where i am now a year ago. cannot wait to see what 2006 holds. shit-2006.
