Yep.
2004-11-23 - 11:19 p.m.
Touching the Void is on and the one guy who they thought died was just talking about how he was yelling for help and no one answered and he realized he was dead. "I had lost me." I understand that whole 'losing me' thing. 'Cause it happens and what the eff?!?! It's shit. But, it's part of life, I suppose. So, I'm copying a friend and doing the whole, "What I'm Thankful For" thing (not in any particular order, I swear. Please ignore the fact that I put my car ahead of my family):
-having the brains to be in school
-loving school
-my health
-my house
-my car
-my family
-my job
-my books
-my friends:
Ann, Booie, Shelley, Tim, Nikki, Tony, Sanna, Kimmy, Walt, Lammers, Christy
-my buddies (at least the ones I'd love to meet someday):
Bathtub, realitychic, jenne1017, mrknowitall, morganlight, oncamtoday.
-my life
-my hope
-my rape (and yes, I said 'my rape' - I'm learning that I need to 'let go' of it all, however I have no idea how or when to do this and I know it should/will help, but I'm frightened because it is MY RAPE and, what happens when I share it or really concentrate on it and say goodbye to it forever? I've had it for eight years now. How do you say goodbye to something like that? Do you ever? Because it totally shapes who I am, and if I hang onto it, I get to be who I am. However, if I let go of it, I'm supposed to be this healed, positive person and I just am not - can't I be in between for a while?)
-My little brother
-My bed (God, my bed is so nice. I was lucky enough to be able to/not care to splurge for a nice mattress set when I first moved out of my parents' house and it's the effing shiznit)
-My computer (no matter how much it's acting up and not letting me get online nowadays)
-Oh - classical music - there's some on teevee right now (Captial One commercial with O'Forutuna (Carmina Burana) in it) and I totally love it, just like realitychic)
-books. have i said books?
-Dogs. Dogs are funny.
-Yo-yos
-Chemotherapy. Even though I'm finding out that chemo sucks big time and no one likes it, it does do good things (i.e. - keeps people alive). HOWEVER, due to chemotherapy, I'm also learning that perhaps it's not real nursing I want to go into. In fact, I'm so into the fact that was I never hugged or touched as a child and I realize how important that is that I think it might be fun to be a "Healing Touch Practioner" - in addition to my R.N.
-I haven't cut since Saturday. I haven't. I swear. I've thought about it, I just don't let myself get near stuff that will let me do it. I pray that it continues. Yeah, that's right, I said pray. Sue me.
-Billy
-Sharon Woods
-Funny people
I think that's it for now. I've got to go have a conversation with Someone. Bye.
