Am I nuts?
2004-11-23 - 12:39 a.m.
Not sure what to think. Crap. For letting it out and for letting it happen and for letting it go on and for letting it out. Crap. What to do? What to do? I had to hide my arm today at the doctor's office - because they wouldn't have believed the catscratch story - at all. Too new and too bloody and too much. And, Friday, I've got an MRI to find out just what the eff is wrong with my brain and so, I probably shouldn't do anymore. However, Booie explained that, when Booie had an MRI, Booie got to keep pants on and only had to change from a shirt into that 'gown thing'. So now, I'm trying to find a way to slice my legs?! 'Cause I can't wait until Friday to not do it. What is going on??? On the questionaire in my neurologist's office today it asked about psychiatric things - I'm frightened. That I've lost control of EVERYTHING. Even my mind. And, while I completely know I'm doing this crap to myself, I find it's also okay at the same time and completely justifiable and honestly the only way I know to deal with things right now. Why can't I just cringe and cry about it the way normal people do? Maybe I'm just having a big, prolonged nervous breakdown.
