Okay
2003-01-17 - 4:22 p.m.
As I was just explaining to Booie, I think I've come into a new way of thinking about money and my job. I just got paid. I paid my part of the cable bill, phone bill and electric bill. I bought $70 worth of food. I bought $42 worth of stuff at Sam's - gum and soap and deoderant and toothpaste. I filled up Jupiter. I paid my car payment. I bought underwear and a shirt at Target. I paid my Fitworks dues. I have money budgeted to get Jupi's oil changed on Monday. I have money budgeted to go see a movie I want to see on Monday. I have money budgeted to get take out Bangkok Bistro and some vodka or wine for dinner tonight. I have money budgeted to go out with Christy for her birthday tomorrow. I have money budgeted to go out with Christy and Lammers on Sunday. I have money budgeted to pay my renter's insurance due on the 28th.
And, I still have about $110 left over - and nothing more that I desperately need to buy until next paycheck.
Now, don't get me wrong... this isn't like the first time I've paid all of my bills. I ALWAYS pay my bills. All of them. Even if I have to starve. But, I've noticed lately that I'M NOT STARVING. I'm able to buy some clothes here and there if I need them. Sure, I can't go on shopping sprees and get $200 worth of stuff at once. But, I can buy $30 worth of stuff at once. I'm able to hang out with my friends and not feel like I have to drink water or not eat anything. I'm able to see a (matinee) movie (no popcorn - not worth the calories or lost funds) that I've been waiting to see. Last paycheck, I was able to go to the doctor ($15 copay) and get $48 worth of drugs to cure my bronchitis and I was still able to have some money left over. I think I've FINALLY learned to live with the $600 less a month that I now receive since leaving the teevee "business". $600 is a lot of money. And, when I had it, I felt like I was barely staying afloat. Now I don't have it and I'm okay. I haven't used a credit card in almost a year. I've paid cash for everything. Xmas gifts. A new mattress. Car insurance. Food. Clothes. And, all I've really done is carefully, carefully, carefully budget and organize my bills around my paychecks. And, I am okay. And, I have a job. And, it's not the greatest job in the world. But, no one truly loves their job like crazy. I have a job. A lot of people don't have jobs right now or have the threat of not having a job dangling in front of their face. And, I think I am well-respected where I work. I think the manager knows I go in and do a good job and get everything that is asked of me done. And, she respects me.
I think I am finally okay with not being the stellar something I thought I was going to be. Not that I still can't be that something or AM not that something right now. It's just my definition of success and being okay has changed so much in just the past few months. It pretty much makes me happy that I DON'T still work at Channel 48 - glad they pretty much kicked me out the door. I don't think any of them were or are as happy as I am now. And, I don't think they ever will be.
