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I've known her for two years and three months. I love her so much it makes my heart hurt to know she's leaving this world.

2010-03-01 - 10:29 p.m.

Beautiful Melly G is dying. Has been for a month or so. They made her DNR on February 5th. She's been at home and working with hospice there. She gets platelets every other day at home b/c her platelet count is ONE. Whoa! So, she might just hemmorhage to death?!?! She's also been getting pain meds put down her NG tubie.

So, today she was admitted b/c she needs to up her pain meds and get the IV stuff. So, she's getting that now. I went and saw her. I can tell that little muffin is just in the worst pain ever. She wasn't talking much, not moving, just very quiet and pleasant and watching tv. I went in and snuggled with her in her bed for a few minutes. I told her I loved her terribly (twice) and kissed her little bald head. And then, I said goodbye. Because, chances are, once they figure out what pain meds work for her, they'll send her back home to die. Her mom really wants her home and I know Melly is happier there. Besides, who really wants to die in a hospital? And, I don't know if I can watch her die. Anyway, I held my tears in until I got out of her room and then... waterworks galore! My muffin house friends, Angie and Allie gave me hugs and talked to me. And Allie was so sweet - she kind of led me to the breakroom (my shift was over at this point) and was petting my back the whole time and just talking to me and being so sympathetic. Anyway, that's all. I'm not back to work until Saturday - I'm sure Melly will be home by then.

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