2008 so far...
2008-01-11 - 5:18 p.m.
2008 - so far, okay. Nothing I can't handle. The grandma went back to the hospital yesterday for more gallbladder issues - even though she had it removed last month (residual gallstones in the ducts apparently suck). My mom is doing better - brother says that she cries a lot at home, but he's doing a good job taking care of her. As a result, he's had to put his "life" on hold - he's trying, but he's so introverted that it's probably just fine for him to stay at home a lot with the mom. (I have no idea why everyone is prefaced with a "the" today, but it's happening). My mom finally got her new convertible yesterday - just in time for snow! She ordered it right after my dad died - something she's always wanted and now, she's got it. I got to pick up the nice ring she bought me for Christmas today - it's really nice and I'm excited to have a ring that won't turn brown. I figure I've probably bought a few hundred dollars worth of sterling silver rings over the years only to watch them fade away and, now that I'm 32 and have no husband/boyfriend, I thought it would be nice to just get myself a nice ring for me. My mom wanted it to be from her and my dad - for Christmas and graduation. I can accept that and I'm sure I'll wear it for years to come - maybe even until I die. It's got 15 little diamonds in it and it's 10k silver gold so, it's a good one. And, I gotta get it inspected every 6 months - I feel like a grown up. Also, I've been vomiting randomly for two weeks now - gonna get my gallbladder scanned next week - maybe removed after that. Thanks a lot, genes...
Work is great - I still love my muffins to death. My favorites right now are my 1) stage 4 neuroblastoma 4-year old - we play barbies sometimes and she hates oral meds, 2) my newly diagnosed AML 2-year-old - she's a beauty - even as she loses her hair, and 3) my other AML muffin who was diagnosed in the summer - her hair comes and goes.
I've got a theory - there HAS to be something that happens chemically (well, obviously) to the body when one receives chemo - no matter who I've known who's received chemo, well they always look FREAKIN' BEAUTIFUL when they lose their hair. Even when I think, "Dude. That chick or dude or kid is gonna look so funky when they are bald." THEY NEVER DO!!!! I think there are some hormones or something that give them a "chemo glow" and makes everyone look awesome bald. However, I don't think that, if I were to shave my head today, it would enhance any of my features - I WOULD look like a freak. And so would anyone else who wasn't undergoing chemo. So, I think it's the chemo. Seriously. Kinda like when people get a pregnancy glow. My muffins have a chemo glow. And they are all so amazing.
The other day, I accessed one of my muffin's ports - basically, I shoved a needle in this 3-year-old's chest. He screamed. He squirmed. He cried. When it was all done, he said, "Thank you." He told ME, "Thank You." Now, how is that for some major resilience and character and just dog-gone good stuff??? Here are my little muffins and we're knocking the shit outta them and they thank me. Amazing.
I can't believe I do what I do - I am so blessed and so lucky to get to see that side of people. And, it's so amazing that I can "handle it". Sure, it's sad sometimes, but really, my emotions aren't the issue here - my job is to get these kiddos comfortable and just keep 'em playin' as long as they can. When they can't anymore and the end is inevitable, well then, that's when my tears will flow unashamedly. Until then, it really is all fun and games!
