scmife...
2007-10-22 - 11:18 p.m.
Work is still hard. Did I tell you it was hard before? Well, it is. Not because of the job, but because of the person who trains me - nothing I do is good enough. I can do all the things she wants me to - cross all my i's and dot all my t's and then, if I screw one thing up, I hear about it for days. My confidence is at negative zero billion. It's not there. I've told her this. I meet with my educator tomorrow - either I will be fired, or she will find me a new precept0r. I'm planning for the worst because that is how my mind is working nowadays - no matter what I do, plan for the worst. I still love my job, but with the person I work with, who is supposed to be teaching me, i feel as though I'll never get it. Like I'm a dumbass. I see other new buddies/nurses with their precept0rs, laughing and having a good ol' time. Not a care in the world. Me - I get reamed in the ass if I forgot to check to see if the patient has a code sheet hanging in their room (even though they have been there for weeks and should have had one all along). Eff. It frustrates me. And I trust no one. The educator who I'm meeting with tomorrow? Yeah - accidentally sent me a letter that she sent to my boss about me - stuff that never happened (me crying on the floor, etc.). I read the letter and I have no idea how to respond - IF I should respond. If I should respond to what was said about me (even though I'm not supposed to know) so that they at least have MY side of the story. Christ. Sometimes, I seriously wish my only issue was how hard I did or didn't work to pass an exam or write a paper (me=lifelong-student blood flowing through veins 24/7). WTF????
I got a treadmill. I watch teevee and walk/run. I am also now on a well-known "find your mate" website - seriously. I have no other options right now. Besides, it's real fun to check out guys and "talk" to them right from the comfort of my own living room - kinda takes the work out of dating and you can get to know someone before you even date. It's pretty nifty. Whether it will work for me = dunno. But, my best friend from junior high met her husband there. Maybe it'll work for me.
Life is hard.
