it's done
2007-05-16 - 9:59 a.m.
it's over. my dad is dead and buried. tons of people came to his viewing - there was a line out the door to talk to my mom. he looked nice, but not all too real - i didn't expect miracles from the funeral home people though - they did a good job. he looked like my dad. but dead. so, i can't blame 'em. you can only do so much with a piece of cold, clammy flesh. i touched his hands and ears and face and i drove a matchbox car across his chest. nothing moved. his ears were like hard rubber. he was so cold. i saw my best friend from 7th grade. i saw a really good friend from high school. some of my classmates showed up. there was a bouquet of flowers from the nursing department at school. i looked past the stupid fake grass decorations at the cemetery and saw the hole where his body will be. it was a whirlwind of time - these past two days. i didn't do too much, but i did so much that i am physically and mentally exhausted. i have a hard time remembering what day it is. this is okay though. i don't have to be anywhere until July 23rd - my first day of work at the lion hospital. between now and then, i will try to get a better grasp on time, study for my nursing boards, plant flowers (we got a TON of them for my dad's memory garden), relax, fish, go to the zoo (fer real, dude), buy rollerblades and use them, stop smoking, run?, visit friends, and go to Myrtl3 B3@ch with my mom and brother in early July.
So. That is all. That is my update. that is the update i never thought i would have to make. or even get through while doing it. i think i am still way numb - it is very hard for me to cry. i just don't. i miss him though. but, i am SO SO glad he is no longer suffering. i'd take this any day over having to watch him suffer those last couple of days....
