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week one 2007-03-02 - 8:28 a.m. God. I don't want my dad to die. Yesterday, I think i moved out of the shock stage and, into the "yes, this is really happening" stage. i cried lots yesterday. have already cried today and only got up 28 minutes ago. with no alarm! that's the other thing - i am sleeping okay (thanks to some pharmaceutical interventions), but when i wake up in the morning, it's just time to get up. yesterday, i woke up at 7:45, and GOT OUTTA BED. today, 8:00. i guess this is good - at least i am not trying to lie around and sleep my days away. i don't know. does this even make sense? or matter? i know i am just blubbering, but really, it's gonna have to be okay because, right now, i'm lucky to know that it is friday and that, if i don't want to, i don't HAVE to wash my hair today, because i washed it yesterday morning. if i'm feelin' good about pulling it back, then i can go for it without fear of my head looking like an oil field. so. to be able to remember that i washed my hair yesterday and the day of the week is a good thing. i am even getting good at remembering things like 1) the last time i ate and when it might be a good time to eat again, even if i'm not hungry 2) filling up my gas tank 3) keeping "important" people informed - profs, clinical people and work, and most importantly, 4)i don't think i've worn the same underwear OR other articles of clothing two days in a row. THIS IS GROUNDS FOR APPLAUSE. heck - i MAY even do laundry this evening. HOW do i feel like i've run a marathon everyday??? that mental exhaustion thing ain't no joke... |