Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

My DAD

2007-02-27 - 12:04 a.m.

Today will change my life forever.
They cut into my dad's abdomen. They were amazed. Said it was the worst they've ever seen. Cancer everywhere. Small intestine. Large intestine. Pancreas. Stomach. Abdominal lining. Liver. Kidney.
No symptoms until recently.
Three months to live.
EDIT: Now, it is Tuesday morning. I woke up and then, remembered. I feel like all of the headlines on sea-en-en-dot-com and sin-sin-nati-dot-com should read "He's got cancer. And he's going to die." It is hitting me harder today. Last night, i was able to go to my friend ann's house. we ate pizza. and talked about all kinds of things. including how she dealt with her parents' deaths. i still don't want to do it. i want it to be like it was yesterday morning, before surgery. when we were all a little worried about the procedure, but not at all expecting anything like this. we were joking around like it was our job - just to ease the tension. now, i don't think there is enough joking in the world that will ease today's tension. especially when they tell my dad - yes, he doesn't even KNOW yet. at least one-hundred people probably already know and HE doesn't. the surgeon figured it was best to wait for him to be fully conscious. so, he will tell him today, around noon. not only will i probably be able to slice through the tension in the room, i might be able to cut out a nice big piece of cake and eat it all. did that make sense? i don't care.
i don't know who reads this except Bathtub. so, now it's my little note to Bathtub. so, stop reading if you are not Bathtub. hi Bathy - what the fuck? i know i will be okay. but what the fuck? you know? and somehow (this makes me happy actually), i caught myself wondering yesterday if i'd be able to go work where i'm gonna work after i graduate. and i know i will still be able to do it. somehow, it will be different, you know? i can SEE myself still working there. and now, i'll have my very own personal experience. and i can use it if i need to... to at least maybe try to understand what it is my patients' families are going through, you know? sure, i'm not losing a kid. but, i'm losing my dad. i'm sure the feelings are similar. so, i wanted to tell you thanks for your thoughts about my family. keep em comin'... we'll need them. i still plan to graduate in like 11 weeks (um, that little countdown can just STOP for a minute, really - so i can get caught up with shit) and i still plan to work at the lion hospital. okay. bye.

before - after

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!