Tomorrow could be the 1st day of the rest of my life
2005-05-13 - 11:15 p.m.
I'm tired. Came home sick from work today. Slept. Didn't drink. I think that, since I went off the wagon in mid-march, I have had a drink (and when I say drink I don't mean some teeny tiny cocktail - I mean a 3/4 full glass of vodka with a splash of sprite and maybe a cherry - and I have two or three of those - to the point of not knowing I'm doing nor remembering it the next day) every night except maybe five. Tomorrow, I'm returning to GG or whatever the hell I called it because I was too embarassed to call it AA. Hopefully, I'll go back after tomorrow. maybe I'll go on Sunday - if I can find a meeting. But, tomorrow, I'm going to wakeup, go workout and tan, go to the meeting, go walking at SW and then, go to my anatomy bud's house for a cookout (yes, wine included - i said I was going to a meeting - that does not necessarily mean drinking cessation - not yet anyway) and movies. Sunday = no plans. Oh sure, probably a walk at SW and probably a visit to the gym. Same for monday. 'Cept Monday I gotta go to the bank and get new checks. I'm just tired of being sick every day, and tired of not knowing how NOT to be sick every day. I know it's a simple concept (do not drink), but, right now, it is impossible to put into action. Besides, I've gotta get my life together. I've been lucky thus far - able to hold a job, go to school, have friends, etc. Soon though, I can tell that I will be bad. And, when school rolls around again in 14 months for the commencement of my nursing clinicals and I cannot be a full blown alcoholic. Not that I'm not now. But, it just can't get any worse. I've been doing this stuff for 8+ years now. It's time to live and to have it hurt and to have it be happy and to have it be calming and fun and okay. Without the booze. I'm scared to death.
