This really sucks because SB doesn't deserve this crap...
2004-08-13 - 7:53 a.m.
Oh, I am so awful. I went out with SB last night (we went to the aquarium and even met our Biology prof there!) and it was so much fun. And then, the night ended and we kissed a little and I felt myself pulling away and tensing up anytime he touched me. And so, I came back here and fell asleep until about 4:30 a.m. Then, I just thought and thought and thought about stuff and, when I finally fell back to sleep, I dreamt about the rape and the rapist for the first time in about 7 years. I was being chased and no matter how hard I tried, he would always pop up around another corner and I just couldn't get away. I don't know how to do it. How to get rid of it all. I don't know if I really can. I don't know if I can do this.
