Bad attitude Koke...
2004-06-16 - 1:39 p.m.
Fuck. Finally. Tired of reloading this damn thing and having my thoughts drift away as I do so. Today hasn't been the funnest of days. Of course I don't think my attitude about it all is helping either. First of all, I received my grades: One A and one B. Fucking nice. No dean's list. GPA drops to a 3.633. I feel like a big loser. Yet, ten years ago at Miami, I would have killed for this GPA so, why can't I be happy about it? I fear failure more than anything in the world... hence, my life so far. There are so many things I haven't done just because I'm afraid to fail. I guess that's what you get when you partake in a sporty art in high school and you win world championships and shit. Nothing is ever good enough unless I get the gold.
Also, as I've discussed before, I have no effing money. And, I just had to go and drop $120 on my school books for this biology course I'm taking. And then, I had to go and drop $53 on some prescriptions to keep my anxiety in check. Riiiiight. And, then there was the grocery bill. Whatever. I know I have food now, I've got my books, I've got my drugs. I just wish I knew how I was really going to pay the $700 I owe U.C. for this biology course. And then, I've got city taxes due. And rent. Oh yes, don't forget rent. And gas. At least gas is going down, right? And my dentist still needs money. And the phone and cable and electric that I have been putting off for 1.5 months now because I have no money. It just never ends. Even the money I'm getting back in July won't seem like enough. It won't be until September until I feel as if I can breathe again with my financial aid check.
So long summer. What a downer you're going to be.
