Dreams and Dilemmas
2004-05-09 - 12:37 p.m.
I'm supposed to go into work. At least I said I would. But, I just want a fucking day off. Yeah, I've only been going in for a few hours each day, but I just don't want to go in at all. I said I'd be in around 3 or 4 and would stay until 8. Tomorrow, I'm working 5 a.m. until 3 or 4 p.m. If I don't go in, I can workout, I can start reading for my exams on Wednesday and Thursday, etc. But, I feel so bad because I WILL have one full day off on Tuesday. But, all I'm going to do on Tuesday is study. So, why can't I just take a day off? I'm supposed to be off today anyway. But, if I do take today off, I'll be down 10 hours for the week. But, last check I was down 12 hours for both weeks and my check was still good. So, as long as I work my ass off next week (which I plan to do after my exams), I'll be okay, right? I am allowed to take today off, right?
In other news, my mother made a comment to my brother about my relationship with Booie and what it all means now. What the eff? Uh, it means that Booie and I are no longer together and doing it, is what it means. Ugh. So mad about that one and I know I can't do it justice in this diary so, if you want the 'Orphan Annie Decoder Ring' version, let me know and I'll direct you to my other diary. Don't freak. My 'OD' only has like 3.4 entries or something like that. I'm not abandoning d-land.
In other, other news, I had the most vivid, real, disturbing dream about me and Booie last night. You see, as of late, Booie has been talking with 'Ted' and Ted has been telling Booie what a huge crush Ted has on me. And, Ted has been trying to get me to go out with him for quite some time now and he doesn't know what to do. I finally told Ted the other day that lots of stuff makes me uncomfortable... that I don't really know how to be a sexual being without feeling guilty about it... and that I don't mean to hurt his feelings.
So, Booie and I have been talking about me going out with Ted. And, Booie does not seem to mind.
My dream consisted of BOOIE having sex with someone from work AND our next door neighbor - separately. Well, I found out and was entirely too upset to function. And, I couldn't understand it because, in my dream, we were in the same spot relationally (word? no. using it? yes.) that we're in in real life so I shouldn't have been upset, but I was. And, so I was crying my eyes out and asking Booie all kinds of questions and wondering if Booie liked this person or that person the same way Booie liked me in the beginning and if Booie thought it would really work out between them. And, I was so upset I even woke up crying. Eff? And, then I was shopping, but had to pee and there was no room in the stall and then, there was a tornado and I tried to call Booie to tell Booie where I would be in case I didn't make it so my body could be identified, but I couldn't get through. And then, I woke up.
I really think I'm not going in to work. NOT A BAD PERSON. NOT A BAD PERSON. NOT A BAD PERSON. NOT A BAD PERSON. NOT A BAD PERSON. NOT A BAD PERSON. NOT A BAD PERSON. Wow. 'Person' looks really weird now. Person. Person. Person.
Gotta go.
