Letting go...
2003-05-18 - 4:30 a.m.
I don't know why I'm updating. And, there is a banner above that says, "Why" and I am wondering that. I went to a party at Reid's howse tonight and the normal crew was there: Paul, Penny, Phony, Krystal, etc. Even Carrie was there. And now, am I becoming one of the "regulars" at these parties? Tomorrow, Paul is having another one. Next weekend, Krystal is having one. I feel like just one of the kids. I saw two people do kegstands tonight. Where are my wine and cheese parties? I am 28 for god sakes!
I cried about Booie to Phony. Only Phony knows the truth about Booie - Krystal didn't know, but still listened. Then, I cried and stopped crying and tried hard to laugh. Phony thinks I should move on. I don't want to move on without Booie. I don't want to sleep with anyone else and I know if/when I ever do, it will be tremendously hard and I don't know if I can cope with it. There is someone I'd like to hook up with. And, if the circumstances were right, it would happen. But, then, I would be devastated. Forever. I am frightened of letting go.
