The Beginning of the End
2003-02-04 - 4:30 p.m.
Perhaps what I said about being in a "strong, committed relationship" the other day was just a lie to make myself feel okay about me and Booie. To make it okay that we rarely kiss any more or that we haven't had sex in probably three months or that we don't even really laugh anymore. Sure, there are still moments. But, I find myself hanging onto those moments ever so desperately because I fear I may never have another one again. And, we get along fine. There is no fighting. But, there is very little communication. And, maybe I'm just exaggerating and being a girl about it all, but I think it really sunk in this morning when I said, "Goodbye. I love you." and Booie said, "Do you want this open or closed?" (in reference to the bedroom door) And that was on top of me practically having to force a goodnight peck onto Booie's lips last night.
I am going to try to not be sad about it and jump to conclusions until we have had a chance to talk about it. But, it is hard, because in my heart, I truly believe it's over.
